One and Only

May 6, 2013
Journalist Sandler (Righteous: Dispatches from the Evangelical Youth Movement), an only child and the mother of an only child, is struggling with the decision of whether to have a second baby. Though she says this is not a memoir, her personal story is woven throughout, beginning with her mother’s decision to have one child and ending with the author’s apparent decision not to have a second child (though tears flow when her husband considers a vasectomy). The focus of the book, however, is on dissecting the research surrounding the myth of the lonely, selfish, maladjusted only child. Sandler reports that only children are not lonelier, that they have higher levels of aspiration, motivation, and success, and that even when their parents’ divorce, they may well become better adjusted than kids with siblings. While she finds that negative stereotypes and social stigmas prevail (including the notion that moms with only children are selfish), Sandler reveals that “onlies” benefit from their parents’ single-minded support, both financially and emotionally. But the point is to “live the life you want,” making choices based on individual desires and what is best for one’s particular family. Onlies, parents of onlies, and readers still on the fence will find the book illuminating and affirming. Agent: Elyse Cheney, Elyse Cheney Literary Associates.